Where were you

Where were you
When I found myself
Looking up in the store
And all I saw were strangers all around,
And my fingers shook in fear
When I thought you had left me alone there.

Where were you
When tears ran down my face
As I stood alone surrounded by fate
In the midst of people with no faces
Who didn’t see death’s crate
Wrapping my grandmother in its cold embrace.

Where were you
When I ran from his touch
While I napped in his bed
Choking on the screams in my head
Wishing you saw me instead
Of the television that turned your head.

Where were you
When I needed a kind word
Instead of cruel uncertainty
Or a hug of reassurance,
Or acceptance instead of rejection
Or belief in me instead of the lies of others.

Where were you
As my heart broke
When you asked me to live with you
Instead of my mother
After all those years
Of never showing your love.

And all I could say was ‘no’.

Where were you
When I needed you
Where were you
When I loved you
Where were you
When I wanted to talk to you
Where were you
When I thought you were my hero
Where were you
When…

Why was it
The only time you
Held me
And told me
You loved me
Was in my dreams
After you were dead.

© Kate Spyder 2014

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