A Call To Arms…

While I was looking through some of my past written works I came across this one. How I could have forgotten about it, is beyond me, other than to say I most likely became distracted by other things. I sent it to a couple of my friends explaining to them I wished I had a place to post it for others to read, which is what sent me on my search that eventually brought me to wordpress.  It is quite different from my other postings in my journal, but for me this expresses my more deeper thoughts that become aroused when I find a book which stimulates my mind. So here it is unchanged from its original (2011), enjoy and comment if you feel the desire to do so.

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In a book I have been reading called ‘Faith of the Fallen’, I have come to recognize our own predicament.  The story is much about people having fallen into slavery under a falsehood of doing good for the people.  Sacrificing themselves and all they have for the good of the people.  The common worker almost starves to death while working and slaving hard to only have the money they rightfully earned taken from them in the guise of helping others, and in actuality it feeds the rich to become richer.

 

I have in essence worked for the same company that has migrated through transformation after transformation with the guise of doing better.  In the beginning there was once pride in the work the common workers performed but in some areas the degradation had already started.  Workers were threatened with the loss of their jobs if they didn’t perform, and were lectured to and punished when a wrong was committed by only one of their fellow workers.  If someone stood up to the unfairness of the situation then rules would be tightened down on everyone and fear would be the common ground on making the common worker keep in line.  As transformation came it was with speeches of ‘inspiration’ of how good the transformation will be for all, how it will improve the overall standing of the company, thus providing benefit to the common worker.  Transformation over transformation, and year over year, the common worker has never seen improvement on their situation.  The common worker continues to be ‘inspired’ by fear.  Watching as those they have worked alongside of for years, lose their jobs while others who have no skill be hired in to do the same work, replacing the skilled common worker.  We watch with our hearts in our hands, and fear in our throats afraid to speak for fear we will be the next one to be walked out the door and left to rot on the doorstep.

 

I take away from the book I have just finished a quote which cuts to the core of what we all need to be reminded of: ‘Your life is yours alone. Rise up and live it.’

 

Large corporations have taken upon themselves the right to enslave us with false testimonials of ‘perform well and you will be rewarded’ because the company will do well and in the same breath they speak of millions and billions of dollars being spent to acquire, expand, take over…  Not only in the many transformations of the company I work for have they proclaimed this throughout all transformations but have continued to grow and expand while the common worker sees nothing for the hard work they put in except fear and more fear and the constant expectation that their skill and ability and good performance will account for nothing when the rich decide the bottom line needs to be increased to make them richer.

 

I proclaim nothing but honesty and the brutal truth.  I know of no worker who does not fear of losing their job.  I know of no worker who doesn’t see the futility in the never ceasing ‘transformations’, which are really just a reshuffling of department heads to keep the common workers so confused as to who they report to, and cannot tell when another management/director/vice-whatever position is made instead of being eliminated, and know performance evaluations no longer have any merit when the person performing the evaluation hasn’t even worked with the individuals being evaluated.

 

We are just slaves being shuffled from one slave master to another, with pillow talk to soften the blow of yet another master who will not fight for the value provided by the common worker they have enslaved.

 

The book ‘’Faith of the Fallen” is the sixth book in a series of which I’m driven to reading the rest of the series.  I am quite blown over by the depth for which the author had to have knowledge of the psychology of warfare, slavery, governments, institutions, and of individuals to be able to write a story that is classified as ‘fiction’, takes place in a period I can only classify as ‘medieval’ and yet have reverberations throughout our current period in time.  I have yet to come across a current situation that is not represented within the story.  I applaud the man for his boldness and understand why it is written in fiction.  If he had written this as current history with a call to arms for revolution he would have been jailed without counsel for treason to never be heard from again.  It is a sad state of affairs we see ourselves in, not only as a workforce but as a so called ‘free’ people.  And I fear it will have to get much worse in order for revolution to occur to bring about change for the better.

 

© Kate Spyder

Opening and Closing Doorways… which do you want open?

This weekend has been a reminder to me. A reminder to be true to myself. To not let the superficial interfere with allowing life to flow harmoniously. To not allow insecurity to play a role in deceiving myself. But mostly to not run away from anything that awakens me to what lies dormant within me.

It is interesting when one changes their focus how doorways will open and others close. I made a leap in my own observations realizing the focus I had was not clear, was not defined enough in detail and thus was allowing distractions or should I say detours from my intended course.

Sometimes focusing on a point too far in the future will allow for too many possibilities that in the end will steer us off course. This is what was happening to me.

When I realized this, I asked myself how I could correct my course and ultimately attract that which I ultimately seek. As in programming a super computer, one doesn’t sit down and write the program in one long uninterrupted session. Though a genius probably could, it isn’t usually done and a genius probably knows it is better to do so in incremental steps.

This is the conclusion I came to. Instead of focusing on the end result, as ‘the result’ which was not completely clear anyway because of too many unknowns, I switched my focus to visualize the first step in the process. Then to alter that visualization as progress is achieved to reach the next step in the process all the while keeping the idea of the destination as a reference point while allowing flexibility for change in the destination if what is learned along the journey brings one the knowledge that the original destination is no longer desirable.

What I realized in doing so is the end is not really an end at all but an ongoing process that brings us much more than we were ever able to visualize when we were focused on the end result.

A friend told me, “the journey is more important than the destination”.

Though I had already taken the steps I did to alter my focus, his words reminded me, that my altered course was now about enjoying the journey and in fact I have no doubt if I had not altered my course, the door to meeting him would have remained closed.

Our choices open some doors and closes other doors. If the right doors are not opening then maybe we are not making the right choices.

Learning to Love Myself

I’ve had people tell me I am smart. I am intelligent. That I am strong. They envy me my independence and ability to stand up for myself and do what I need to do to make my life better for me and my daughter. But in all the years I have never told myself those things. I’ve never looked deeply at all the things I have done in my life and thanked myself for taking care of me.

I was strong enough to walk away from several potential sexual abuse situations and keep myself strong, but I never allowed myself to grieve over the loss of my innocence that those situations stole. I also never allowed myself to grieve over the loss of the loving relationships that had existed prior to the change those situations caused. I also never forgave myself for not seeing the danger.

I blamed myself for a lot of what transpired throughout my life even though they were things I could never control. I couldn’t control the anger my father presented to us nor could I control the lack of love expressed by any of my family members. The only thing I could control were my own emotions and my own responses to what was presented to me and unfortunately I buried them deep within myself. I have never forgiven myself for having made those choices. Instead I blamed myself and my family. Then when each and every relationship failed, I blamed myself and buried my feelings even deeper.

Then a couple months ago I saw the connection between how I related in relationships with how I was raised and though the light turned on, it only turned on half way. I chose to blame my parents for my failures instead of understanding I needed to understand that the way I handled relationships was my fault and not theirs and I needed to learn to forgive myself for what I perceived as my own failures.

I can continue to look back and blame everything on my past, but that would just keep me in my past and never moving forward. I could continue to allow my past to control me and never forgive myself but that would never open the door for me to have a truly loving and fulfilling relationship.

Instead, today I choose to find the things about myself that I like, love and respect and learn to forgive myself and love myself. I started by writing down those things I like and it was harder than I thought it would be. Someone told me to be gentle on self-judgements and that isn’t as simple as it might sound.  It is very difficult to not be hard on one’s self but I’m trying. I’m trying by looking at some of the more simple things I do every day for myself and my daughter that are done with very little thought behind them, but things I just do, not because they have to be done but because I like doing them. I enjoy doing them. Like waking my daughter up in the morning for school, even though it can be frustrating because she doesn’t want to get up, she reminds me of how I was at her age. Even though she has her own alarm and I am working on teaching her to be responsible for herself, I do enjoy seeing her wake and look at me and wrap me in her arms to give me my morning hug and kiss that welcomes our day. I just hope I can learn to love myself as much as I love her. Maybe someday with her help I’ll be able to do just that.

Change is Good

I feel like a baby beginning to walk again. That’s not bad mind you, just a bit disconcerting at times. I’ve been reading a blog “Earth Connections”. It is like one of those blessed books you find where every page, every sentence, every word seems to have been written specifically for you.

A day or so before I found “Earth Connections” I wrote the following, which I never finished, it was like it was waiting for something else.

It isn’t the dew on the grass that makes me feel this way. It isn’t the sun on the leaves either, nor their new colors before they tumble and fall to the damp grass.

I feel confused, and also excited. I feel blessed but also possibly cursed. I feel the strands of the nether reaching out to pluck at my happiness telling me it isn’t at all what it seems.

Maybe love is supposed to be quite ethereal. Or maybe it is just that I’m not really of this world but other worldly. What am I to think?

I don’t believe in God as other people do. I gave that up many years ago for it held a crap load of contradictions, and predispositions. I did not, I could not believe as they do, as the organized religions do. This is not me, and never has been no matter how hard I tried to bend, and mold myself into whatever form I could.

I tried bending and molding myself into that form for years and ignored the voice within. I am however finding it amazing how much I have come to understand intuitively even through all the years of trying to bury it deep underneath the organized church teachings.

So now I feel like a baby who is first learning to walk, looking out over the landscape and realizing nothing is outside of my reach, but not really knowing where to place my first step. Intuition tells me to focus inward to get in touch with my heart and spirit and all else will flow.

I’m not afraid of this new world that I can manifest. In fact I feel relieved. There is someone out there who has confirmed what I’ve intuitively felt my whole life.